July 27

Today is Tuesday. It seems that the odds are against him, but if we have hope and faith, and everyone's prayers, just perhaps a miracle can happen and Darren will walk again. Darren is recuperating after Sunday's surgery. When the surgeon examined him yesterday morning, he found a bit more strength in his left side (arm) than he had before surgery. The right side was about the same. Any positive we can find is important, and we are trying very hard to take baby steps each day. He did not need a breathing tube after surgery, and he takes oxygen now only intermittently as needed. His coloring is good, and he is fully coherent and able to communicate. "My friend Betty" (that's for you, Carol!) is an OT, and she was here last night. She sees a lot of patients a day after surgery, and she Darren looked great. When I hear things like that, it keeps my spirits up. The days will be very busy now, as more and more people come in to see him (drs, therapists) so he is worn out by the afternoon. Then he rests. Today, John's closest friend, Brian Sackett will be visiting, and boy does he need him! He is having such a hard time. Arianne has been our rock and source of support. She is taking such good care of her brother and is his "personal angel." I am holding up OK, trying to stay focused on each baby step and any little progress. I lose it over the course of the day, at different times, but I am trying to stay strong. My mom is here, and she, too, is solid as a rock. OK, I need to go now to see the night nurse before he leaves (the hospital is WONDERFUL), and see Darren as soon as wakes. I think John needs to come home over the weekend for some necessary office needs. (Yes, he should go). I think maybe Sat or Sun, and I don't want him driving. If we could have people to drive him back and forth in the same day, that would be preferable, as I don't want him spending the night alone, nor would he stay with anyone. Think about that, and coordinate with Carol, if possible.

Carol, you have no idea of how confident I feel having you help with the communication. The internet expenses are high, so I won't be checking e-mail very much, but I'll try. You can always call me on my cell phone. If I can answer, I will, otherwise it will go to my voicemail.

Please continue praying for Darren, and thanks to everyone for all you're doing.

Love Cindy

July 28

I spoke briefly with Cindy a few minutes ago.  She was at the hospital waiting for the doctor to come in.  Darren was still sleeping.  She didn't have much news to share at this point.  She did not compose a status email for you all before leaving the hotel this morning.  - Carol

July 29

Today is Thursday. Please know that your love and support is a comfort to us all, and knowing that you are reading this, leaving messages for us, and praying is important. I love hearing your voices, and I know that you know I cannot call you all back, and that you understand.

My usual routine is to get to the hospital before 7AM so I can see the night nurse before he or she leaves. I also try to be there before Darren wakes up. Ari is always with me. The day is very busy with doctors, therapists, nurses, etc. A steady stream of people.

For the past two days, the therapists have gotten Darren into a chair. Their goal was 1 hr each on the 1st 2 days and Darren did almost 2 hours both days!  It helps during that time if there is something good on TV, or if dinner comes, then there is "something to do" while he is sitting up. He is alert, has his usual sense of humor, and is VERY interested in monitoring his own care: what are the blood presssure levels, heart rate, when is it time to be turned over while in bed, or tilted back while sitting, etc. He is an inquisitive patient.

Darren has started eating better and is drinking thickened juices like crazy. We tried a smoothie from the caefteria yesterday, but that proved to be too thick and brought on a coughing  fit. His diaphragm mucles are not strong enough to help him cough.  Sometimes the nurses have to use "assisted coughing" to help him. Also, medicated breathing treatments help to break up the phlegm and keep him breathing more regularly and evenly.

Each day we look for progress and positive signs, no matter how small. The goal is to medically stabilize him and move him into intermediate care.  He's in ICU now and then transfer to Kessler in West Orange.

Please realize I know that you would like to see us and Darren and your intentions are appreciated, but right now is not a good time. As we figure out the move to Kessler he can have more visitors, but even then, he will be on quite a vigorous rehab schedule, and visitors will be few.  I ask you all to please understand that and we'll do what is best for Darren.  It's very difficult to say no to people when their intentions are so good, but it's so important for us to focus energy right now on just Darren.

Continue praying for him and leaving your messages.  If Darren's hopes for a recovery depend on hard work and determination, we all know he will do whatever it takes. For the rest of us, we can love, support and pray that a miracle will help him walk again.

May God bless us and all of you.

Cynthia

July 30

Today is Friday, July 30th. Its hard to keep track of the day and date, but with all the notes I'm keeping, I do have to know that now. In the beginning, I was oblivious. Anyway, yesterday and today have been filled with doctor and therapy consults, and evaulating information on Rehab Centers. We are trying to decide between the Shepherd Center (atlanta) and Kessler. Both excellent facilities, so its a tough decision. In the meantime, we are trying to enter Darren into a clinical research trial in Denver, CO.  The study is complicated, but sounds encouraging. There is a chance that even after flying him there and evaulating him, he could be randomly chosen as a "control" and would not be able to participate, but its worth a chance. We are very hopeful about the idea. I cannot explain it here, but if you have the inclination, you can check it out at www.proneutron.com. Today finds Darren's left triceps getting stronger, including his wrist. He has some strength in his right arm and wrist as well, but the left was stronger right from the beginning and is gaining strength nicely. We have exercises to do several times a day to help him. And again today he was able to sit up in a chair for 2 hours. That's a good thing overall. A little bit of a downside in particiapting in the study that it does invlove a surgery, so we will once again be "post-op" which will hold up his therapy for a week or so. But if he is chosen, the benefits COULD be well worth it. Just say your prayers that he is first accepted into it, then once there, chosen as a  participant. The chances are 2 of 3 are chosen randomly. Darren is slowly learning of the severity of his injury. John and I have come to grips with it, well, sort of, in the last 24 hours. At least enough to now take action and become pro-active in his care. The odds are definitely against him statistically, but we refuse to look at Darren as a statistic. With love, support, medical advances, hard work and determination, one never knows what the outcome can be. We are trying to be hopeful, while planning for the future - a very difficult balance to maintain. We feel your support and comfort and know that you are praying and hopeful as we are. Until next time, Cynthia

August 1

I am writing this on Sunday, August 1st. We are waiting to hear if Darren will be accepted into the clinical trial that is going on in Denver, as I previously mentioned. We still don't know. If he goes, he still has be to evaluated, then has to be randomly chosen to participate. Once he is there, if he gets to go at all, there is still a chance of not being able to be part of the study. If he chosen, he will undergo a very delicate surgery procedure, and we will need your prayers for a successful surgery. When he is finished in Denver, either participating or not, he will be going to the Shepherd Center in Atlanta for rehabilitation. This will be at least a 2 month program.

We appreciate your cards and messages, and pass them onto Darren as we are able. His spirits continue to be good, but the severity of the injury is weighing heavily on us all. We appreciate your continued support and prayers.

Cynthia

August 2

Well, yesterday afternoon (Sunday) we were informed that Darren was not accepted into the clinical trial in Denver. We were disappointed, but now that the decision has been made, we are anxious, as is Darren, to get to rehab and get to work. We will be flying to Atlanta tomorrow morning (Tuesday) if all goes as planned. We are all anxious, excited and nervous at the same time. It will be a long road for sure, but we know it is the best place for Darren, and we will have support there as well. As soon as we are there and settled, I will give you more information, and a way to contact us. Your continued prayers and support are appreciated. Cynthia

August 3

Hello everyone, we are excited to be moving out of the hospital today to The Shepherd Center in Atlanta. On this roller coaster of life for the past 10 days, today is an "up" day. We are anxious to get to Shepherd and begin healing - physically and emotionally. One of the Rehab Doctors gave us the first glimmer of hope we have heard so far, in that the level of injury can change (like from an A to a B perhaps) or it can go from a "complete" like Darren's to an "incomplete." I don't even know what that means, really, but I know it can be good. So we need your continued prayers, hope and support as we begin this long process. Darren is optimistic and determined to do his part, and I know that he will give it 200%. But I also know that there are going to be bumps in the road, some harder to manage than others, and I pray for the strength and support to get through the darkest of days. Please know that we appreciate everything you are doing to help us, and supporting Darren's poisitive attitude will do wonders for his recovery.

It might us a few days to get settled in Atlanta, but I will update you all as soon as possible. With love and hope, Cynthia

August 5

Today was a busy day for Darren. He sat in his wheelchair for the entire day, is learning to drive it around quite well, and managed to feed himself both lunch and dinner with his left hand. All very impressive! He is tired now, and is resting after a long day. He also had two therapy sessions.

We are so thankful for the little things he is able to accomplish! His spirits are good, and we have laughed quite a bit today - ALL of us. Especially when I came into the room soaking wet after getting caught in the rain coming back from the apartment. I just HAD to clean it today, and also do some laundry. Its functional, but small, and was not quite as clean as I would have liked. Now when it gets dirty, I know its OUR dirt. Does that make any sense to anyone?? Anyway, the people here are great. Very wonderful and caring individuals. I KNOW Darren will make progress here, and every day I find new reasons to be hopeful. Keep us in your prayers and thoughts, as I know you will. When Darren starts receiving your cards and letters, I know it will help his spitiris even more. Thanks for everything, Cindy P.S. For all of you who are new to the updates - thanks for caring, and I hope my daily news is as much a comfort to you as it is for me to write it.

August 6

What Happened?

Well, today is 2 weeks since Darren's accident. In one way it feels like yesterday, in another it feels like it’s been much longer. Who can describe these last 2 weeks? It’s still like a nightmare, a bad dream. I wish we could just all wake up and life would be "normal" again. But we know that can't be, so we try to move forward, however slowly, each day. I have heard various rumors about Darren's situation and his condition. I thought it best for me to try to explain what has happened and what is happening now, so the facts are out there. Today I feel ready to do that. For those who I have spoken to personally, the story is redundant and difficult, and for that I apologize. For those not familiar with the facts, I hope this helps. Here goes: We were all out on our pontoon boat with our friends, the Recchia's, from Albany. It was an overcast day and we were thinking not to go out on the boat, but it was hot, and what else would we do with all these kids? Besides Darren & Ari, we had Catherine and Lauren Recchia, and their friends Genna, Shannon and Francesca. So we went. The weather cleared up, and we were having a fun time. Chatting, swimming, generally enjoying ourselves. After awhile, Darren tried to do a flip off of the boat, landed on his back and came up laughing, saying “I didn’t quite make it around.” A few minutes later, he was preparing to jump in again when I said “don’t dive.” I don’t know if I even got out both words before he dove. I kept watching him, and he came to the surface, face down in the water, not moving. I was hoping he was joking, but after awhile – 30 seconds? 40 seconds? – I knew it was no joke. John was already in the water, and I started screaming from the boat, go – go – then go fas ter, go faster. Of course, he was going as fast as he could. The current was strong, and John was having a hard time getting to him. Our friend Joe also tried reaching Darren, but the current and the water depth (now deeper) prevented him from even reaching him. John got to him, turned him over, and treaded water to keep himself and Darren from drowning. Meanwhile, I had called 911 while screaming to a boat anchored near us that we needed help. They had a tube and were able to get it to Darren and John to save them. Then a small boat was coming through the channel and pulled them toward our boat. During all this, I was on the phone with 911 and the ambulance was already at the beach. Police came in a small boat, were able to get Darren up onto it and stabilized his neck immediately. By the time they got Darren to the beach, I was on the wave runner heading back to the house. At the time Darren dove in, Ari had Fran out on the wave runner, so they did not see what happened. When they did come back, the scene was quite frantic, and it took a few minutes for them to understand what had happened. So I took the wave runner, and Ari managed to drive the boat home. John and Joe were with Darren. I never drove the wave runner so fast through those no wake zones back to the house, stripped off my bathing suit, put on clothes and had my mom drive me to the beach where the ambulance was. By the time we got there, it was gone, but I flagged down a State Trooper who took me to the field where the chopper was coming in. Everything was happening so fast, and all the emergency personnel did what had to be done, expertly and quickly. It was a surreal experience, to say the least. We were choppered to Atlantic City Medical Center, the regional trauma center. Ironically, the medics on the chopper discussed going to Atlantic City or Thomas Jefferson, but they decided on AC. What did we know? After arriving at AC, and being evaluated and assessed, our good friend Joe  suggested we get a second opinion, and what a God-send that was. John immediately thought of George Naseef, Ralph and Lucille Rathyen’s son-in-law. George and Jill drove during the night to come to the hospital, and reviewed what records they could. They then slept a few hours, and we met them in the morning to review more information. After making lots of phone calls and talking with the best minds in the field, George advised going to Thomas Jefferson Univ Hospital in Philadelphia, and seeing Dr. Alan Hilibrand. We did just that, and Darren had surgery Sunday morning to release the pressure on the spinal cord. So that is the story of what happened. No matter what happens with Darren and his condition, our lives will never be the same. Nor will those with us on the boat, those who helped us, and all of you, as you know and love Darren, some of you as if he were your own. Well, my tears are preventing me from seeing the keys now, so I guess I have to stop. I’ll write more later. With love and prayers, Cynthia
August 7

Hi everyone, its been another tiring day for Darren today. But productive, too. He again fed himself his lunch but had a little trouble with dinner. It was chicken Caesar salad and just a little too difficult to eat by himself. He did try, but it was too hard. He had therapy twice, and he was a little sore from that. We did tour around the Center a little to look at the gym, and sat outside in the garden for a little while. It was good to get some fresh air. And John shaved Darren tonight before dinner. It wasn't the best job, but it was enough!

The "Assistive Technology Dept" has set him up with all kinds of blowing tubes for using the TV, and the phone, and also an extra long sipping tube to get sips of water during the night. He even used the computer today to write one e-mail, using the eraser end of a pencil to tap out the letters. He is determined! As a point of clarification, I just to make sure that everyone knows Darren's current condition. For starters, he is NOT on a ventilator, and never was, thank goodness. He knew enough to hold his breath after he dove, and never took in any water before he was rescued. That means SO much to his general recovery, medically speaking. He does have some movement in his arms, and they are getting stronger every day. He also has good wrist extension. He does not have use of his fingers yet, but we hope that will come. He is using an electric wheelchair, and is hoping to soon get strong enough to use a manual one. That means so much to be able to get yourself around. We don't know how he will progress; no one knows for sure. We have a medical team meeting on Monday, where a plan will be presented for his rehab goals. I both look forward to and dread that meeting. We'll see what happens. Well, gotta go and give Darren his nightly hand and arm massage. Tonight I'll also clean and trim his nails. He likes my massages..... With love, prayers and thanks for your caring, Cindy PS - Please keep the e-mails coming. Even though I can't answer most of them personally, I do read them all and find great comfort in your words. I look forward to them every day.

August 9

Hi everyone, sorry to keep you hanging over the weekend without news. Truthfully, I just didn't feel like writing. Saturday was a quiet day, and Sunday was a very "teary" day for me. I found myself crying periodically through the  day, with no good reason. I cried right thru the Worship Service and again later at a little prayer service with some parents. It was awful, and I cried myself to sleep last night. Now that I got that out of my system (I find it happens about once a week), I was much more positive and focused today. I felt much better. We had our Medical Conference with Darren's primary physician and case manager today, along with 2 nurses. His Doctor is an Orthopedic Surgeon, a no-nonsense kind of guy. He presented the facts of Darren's injury with a very positive attitude. I have to admit, I was scared to death to walk in that room. I was expecting to hear the grimmest of grim statistics. Instead, the Doctor expressed much hope in new medical advances being tested now, saying that Darren will see the benefits of those. At the same time, he said "one never knows what can happen." We were all encouraged, especially when he said that Darren's injury has already changed from a "complete" injury to an "incomplete" one. That's because he now has some sensation and feeling in his feet!!! We don't know REALLY what it means, but it COULD be positive. And we hang onto everything positive that comes our way. I went to the gym today while Darren was at therapy, and after only 30 minutes on the treadmill, my legs felt like jelly. But it felt good to get more exercise than walking from our apt in the morning. And the shower was much better than our apt! Darren's spirits continue to be good. He got a shower today - yea!!! - so his day got off to a good start. Two therapy sessions, and he needed a nap! When we came back from dinner in the cafeteria, Darren wasn't in his room, and one of his roomates said Darren was downstairs and outside! He navigated the elevators all by himself. Now his goal is to get into a manual wheelchair. No more of this electric one! We hope that will happen in a week or so. For all my friends who know my habits all too well, you'll be happy to hear that I have a notebook (of course) and will soon buy folders for all the information I am collecting. We have an internet hook-up right at Darren's bed, plus we can use the library and print stuff out, make copies, etc. Its a wonderful set-up, and the librarian is very helpful as well. Well, enough for now. Darren has been talking on the phone a bit today, and is resting up for extended therapy tomorrow. If you want to send me e-mails directly, please do so: cynthiat@optonline.net. I might not answer them directly, but I'll read each and every one, I promise. And thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers. Cindy
August 10

There's not much "new" news today - just more therapy for Darren, and he continues to work hard. He comes back tired, so I know he's doing as much as he is able. Each day, as I see more and more patients with a wide variety of injuries and disabilities, I continue to be thankful that Darren is doing as well as he is. We received a box of "stuff" from home today that included hair clippers (along with other things we wanted and needed!), so I expect Darren to be looking different in the next few days. He says he trusts me to do it, but I'm not sure I trust myself! He wants his hair short; says it will just be much easier. We'll have to take pictures.... Today I went to the gym and tried using an elliptical machine. It was a great workout, and it helps take my mind off other things. Its a great benefit. Tomorrow John and I have a full day of lectures to learn all about various aspects of a spinal cord injury and how to take care of Darren. I'm sure there's a lot of information, and it will be overwhelming, but necessary. Well, enough for today. Hopefully, I'll have more to write tomorrow. Thanks for caring about all of us, and for continuing to send e-mails. They never cease to provide me with love, support and strength. Thank you all. Cindy

August 11

Well, John & I felt like we had been hit with a mack truck today. We had a whole day of nursing lectures on all kinds of health issues related to spinal cord injured patients. When I see someone in a wheelchair, I usually think about the fact that the person can't walk. I never, ever once thought about bowel and bladder control, respiratory issues, skin conditions, and positioning. But these are all areas we need to learn about, and practice, not knowing if Darren will be able to perform these tasks by himself. God willing, he will be able.Otherwise, they are daunting tasks to perform on a daily basis. So we were feeling very overwhelmed, and quite negative about such pressing issues. Then we received the e-mail I have attached here. What hope! What promise! If an older gentleman can have such recovery, why not Darren? So good things CAN happen, and again, that is what we have to hold onto to. I started reading the e-mail to Darren, and of course, I started crying when it cam e to the part of having a loving and supportive family. I couldn't finish reading it, but he got the gist of it. That's what important. Anyway, Darren was changed from "pre-rehab" to "rehab" status today, and that means his sessions, twice daily, increase from one hour to one and half hours each. That is good news. He always works hard, and comes back tired. Tonight we are having an impromptu pizza party with one of the roommates - a boy from Ridgewood, same age, same injury. Looking forward to it.

Much love and prayers, Cindy  

Attachment:

Dear John,

I am the Vice President of Human Resources for Printronix.  I heard about your son Darren's accident and thought you could benefit from my experience.  A very dear friend of mine had a surfing accident 2 years ago resulting in severe compression to the spinal cord at C5 and C6.  He was in intensive care for 6 weeks.  I have such empathy for you and your wife.  This is a horrible thing to go through for the whole family.  He did not sever the spinal cord but there was severe compression resulting in paralysis from the shoulders down.  The good news is; today he is walking with a walker and hopes to be using a cane soon and then without anything.  It has been a long recovery but there has been recovery.  I am sure your son is much younger than my friend who is in his 50's.  I talked to my friend today and he said that if the doctors were able to get the swelling down right away, it sounds like he will be fine.  He has his age, good doctors, obviously  very loving and supportive parents  and of course a lot of prayers in his behalf all working for him.  It will be a difficult journey but there is an end in sight.  I am very encouraged to hear that he has been able to move his arm and one leg a little bit already.  With good rehab., he will most likely have a full recovery. 

Don't loose hope, it is a long journey but hang in there, now more than ever he needs you. Life is strange, your whole life can change in an instance.  The good news for my friend is, there has been some very positive things that have come from all of this.  You will see some little surprises also.  My prayers are with you and your wife as well as Darren. Sincerely, Juli Mathews

August 12

Well, some days are quiet here at Shepherd, and today was one of them. Darren was feeling a little under the weather, probably a result of the urinary tract infection he has. Some kids get really knocked out by them, but Darren managed to go to both therapy sessions anyway. The therapists just re-arranged their plans to accomodate his not feeling well.

Darren's roommate Paul's mother (got that?) buzz cut Darren's hair last night. It looks good, and I love rubbing it - although he doesn't! Ari says he looks ready for boot camp, and I guess he is. He's in for a long haul and lots of work. If you want to send him an e-mail that can be printed and delivered to his room, go to www.shepherd.org and click on "contact us." Then click "contact a patient" and I think you'll get to it. They deliver all messages with the mail, and its always a treat to get mail! I'll write more tomorrow - hopefully there will be more "news" to report. With prayers and love, Cindy

Hello all! While I was so excited to pass along that e-mail with the encouraging news of that older gentleman's success, I neglected to clarify that the writer mis-spoke about Darren's condition. While he does have feeling of pressure on the bottoms of his feet, which we consider good without knowing what it means, he has not been yet able to move either of his legs. His arm strength continues to improve, slowly, and he works at rehab everyday to make progress. I am sorry if I misled anyone, but we still need to grasp and hold onto all that is positive. And today we became aware of a Devils player who suffered a broken neck early in his career, who was told he'd never walk again. He now plays in the NHL. My goal is to re-write the narrative that Al MIchaels made famous in 1980 - Do you believe in miracles??? Yes, yes, yes.

Cindy